My Dedication Pt. 2

Well. I learned to accept my ways. My stupid stupid ways. And you know what? I just realized, that I am happy for you. I truly am. I am happy that you're happy. And even if I have to be replaced, forgotten, or looked upon even a little differently, as long as you, My Best Friend, is or are, whatever, as long as you're happy, None of my problems should matter. You're happy, so I am happy. Its all I want for you. And my wish has came true. My Best Friend is Happy. Hooray!

Spill' it. - My Dedication.

Okay. Lets get down to it. I admit it. I am selfish. I am selfish and I want you all to myself. No Homo or anything. Its just that I don't have anybody else, and you've always been there for me since part 1. It hurts to know that you must admit that you've hadn't had this much fun in a long time. It hurts to hear you say that because I'm with you nearly all the time. And it is NOW that you feel happy. So that means whenever you are with me, I'm just another day, another that, another this and I am just there. Maybe its just me, but when I'm with you, I am so happy. I am so happy because I'm with my Best Friend. And I am so happy because I love her. She is my sister. My guardian. And my freakin' homie. But she goes out with others for a nice time, and her whole life has brightened up. But when with me, now I know the truth. Now I know that I was right. I always felt like I wasn't good enough. I always knew that. But you'd tell me otherwise. But in my heart I could feel, that no, this cannot be true. I just knew it. But I brushed it off because I trusted you. I took your word. I just played along, hoping that just for once, this was an achieved acceptance and a dream. Not a nightmare like everything else. And now I know. Now I know, that I, I seriously can't do anything right. Now I knew it. I felt it. I feel it. I proved myself right again, that I can't be understood ever. And that ME being around doesn't make a difference. I know now that I can't make anyone happy anymore. And you know what? I am hurt. I am sad. I am Mad. Because I, I love too much. I trust too easily, I get my hopes too high. And its just me. I'm my own problem. I give in and care too much. When the people I love the most, can't feel anything when I'm there.

I LOVE THESE PEOPLE. MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE I CARE FOR RIGHT NOW.

I LOVE MY GOOBER! SHE IS MY EFFIN SISTER! SO DAMN AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE HER! GOOB GOOB. WORDS CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN. AMAN YOU'RE SO GORGEOUS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I WISH I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU. YOU'RE PERFECT. AND THE GREATEST FRIEND I EVER HAD.

MARYAM; MY MARE BEAR! SHE IS SOOO SWEET AND PURE AND GORGEOUS KIM KARDASHIAN! I LOVE HER BFF! YOU'RE SOO PRETTY. YOU DON'T THINK YOU ARE BUT GIRL YOU ARE A SHOW STOPPER! ANY GUY THAT GETS YOU IS LUCKY. YOU'RE WONDERFUL GIRL. AND MY BEST FRIEND. REMEMBER WHEN WE GRADUATE TOKYO GIRL! HAHA

AHECONTORUH! MY BIG BROTHER AND MY BEST FRIEND! I LOVE HIM. IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM IN THE FAM. I'D BE DEAD.

KANFREAKDA; STILL MY BBY COUSIN. THINGS CHANGE. PEOPLE HAVE MISJUDGED YOU, BUT I STILL AND ALWAYS WILL ACCEPT AND LOVE YOU.

I MISS MY BESTIE! VIC; I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU KNOW OR THINK. HAVEN'T SPOKE TO YOU IN AGES. I KNOW I'VE BEEN REPLACED, BUT I LOVE YOU. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. I MISS YOU SO MUCH GIRL. SO MUCH, ITS HARD TO BREATHE.

MY BEAUTIFUL PARWINDY WIT HER BIGG@$$ ; SEXY GIRL! LOVEE HER!
SHE IS DEE BEST. LUBB JU HUNNIE! THE HOSPITAL WOULD NOT BE GOOD
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU BEING MY PARTNER.

MY BABIE BOY RAY RAY; LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY! YOU'RE GETTING SO BIG :D I SO PROUD OF YOU!! I MISS YOU RAY RAY. SO MANY MEMORIES. NEVER FORGOTTEN.

KIMBO; LOVE YOU GIRL. MY CABBAGE PATCH =D YOU AND YOUR STORIES. YOU'RE MY FAVORITE WHITE GIRL.

BUTTERCUP!! TYRESE GIRL, YOU'RE MY BFF. YOU'RE SO KUTE!
AND I LOVE YOU HUBBIE! MY EFFIN HUSBAND. I WISH I COULD CHILL WIT
YOU MORE , BUT MY ASIAN PARENTS HUNNIE. BUT YOU'RE MY GIRL. AND
NO MATTER WHAT I LOVE YOU.

HABEEBA HABEEB! BEEBA BEEP BEEP; HIGGA; MY NIGGA. YOU'RE THE BEST! I LUBB JU NIGGA! YOU'RE SO FUNNIE. AND ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE. YOU MEAN A LOTS TO ME. MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW OR MORE THAN YOU THINK.


MANINDY MANINDY JU ARE SO PRETTIE! I LOVE YOU HUNNIE!
YOU HELP ME SO MUCH WITH STUFFS. YOU'RE SO SWEET AND
I LUBB JU SO MUCH. YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. WHEN I AM DOWN
BOUT SOMEONE (YOU KNOW..) YOU ALWAYS HELP ME. AND YOU ARE SO
NICE. NOT MANY PEOPLE LIKE YOU. I LUBB JU MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER
KNOW!



JO JO! I LOVE YOUUU. AHH YOU'RE SO SEXY! AND SO GAY!!! HAHA.

BUT YOU'RE SO SEXY LOL AND YOU'RE SO GAY AND I LOVE YOU ANYWAY.

CHRIS; WE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. YOU'RE KEWL. LIKE ICE! LOL
BUT IDK. YOU MAKE ME WONDER SOMETIMES. BUT HEY, YOU'RE GREAT.

BUT THESE TWO ARE MY BFFS FOR ALWAYS!

MUS!C@!!

I've got a new obsession. Haha. Sike Not much of an Obsession, but I swore
that I'd stick to my true love ; R&B HIP HOP JAZZ OLDIES RAP ETC; allll
that goooood stuff except for that CRAZY METAL CRAP OR COUNTRY?!

But you know what? Personally IDGAF anymore. I love music.
Someone got a problem with it; keep it to yourself because good
music is simply good music. All music is great. And we are all
entitled to our own opinions. And I am letting mine be known!

I am in looooooooooooooove with this
Screamo/Techno Band ; ATTACK ATTACK! ii LOVEEEE THEM!



A Hecontoruh showed me them and iii am addicteddddddddddd.

I also love that country girl Taylor Swift;




Her music is lovely and she is Beautiful.

I love Music. And I always will :)
No matter what kind.
No matter what anyone thinks.
No matter WHAT.

November 25, 2008

MY LIFE BE LIKEEEEEEEEEEE;

I'm Sorry

You know what? I wanna scream. I wanna shout.
I really want to come outside of my body, and beat the hell out of me.
I already pulled my hair out.
Beat myself as much as I could.
But I promise you, none of this will ever hurt as bad as to the words I hear, and all the drama that is here.
DESPITE WHAT YOU SAY, ABOUT TRUSTING MY WORD AGAINST THEIRS,
I know for a fact, it is HIS word against mine.
You know it hurts me to know, that you love him more than I.
But no I am not jealous, no I do not blame you
I take responsibility for what I said, but let me tell you one thing.

If anyone ever loved you, it was I.
And anything over that is a lie.

CRU$H.

I LOVE THIS SONG!

Responsibility.

I am so lucky.
I'm so blessed.
And I still complain for more.

I'm so stupid.
But than again, I do appreciate what I have.
I just don't take advantage of things.

But today, I am happy for the people in my life.
Even if they don't love me, I love them.
SO MUCH.

Even if drama has a part to do with it,
I will learn to accept what has happened.
No matter what, even if people hate me afterwards,
because I too am at fault.

ahh sexy song.

Maybe

Maybe if I ran away, they'd all go crazy. Maybe they'd care. Better yet I know they would, but would they ever give me my freedom? Would they ever give me my privacy? Would they ever respect my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs, my heart?

NO.

I am horrible. Like a domino chain going down the line. One fall, two fall, three fall, all fall.
I keep falling and I DON'T STOP.

I feel like an outsider.
In school, at HOME.
In school I share my excitements for our new President.
I walk in to the class, proudly preach the words; "OBAMA! OBAMA! OUR NEW PREZ!"

And I get looked down upon, and I hear their criticism. I hear the hate, the anger, and I feel their pain.

But I have faith in him. Any they should too.
Despite his stupid middle name.
Despite what you THINK*;
He is here to make better, nothing more, nothing less.
JUST BECAUSE I'M 1 OUT OF THE 5 COLORED PEOPLE IN MY SCHOOL,
DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT GONNA SHARE WHAT I WANT TO SAY.

AND IF I DO, DON'T JUDGE ME.
BECAUSE I SPEAK OF ONLY HAPPINESS.

AND IF YOU CAN'T BRING ANY PEACEFUL THOUGHTS TO OUR WORLD,
THAN KEEP IT TO YOUR KIND SELF.

"Love all. Trust Few. Do wrong to NO ONE."

Reasons.

Bong Bong got in a car accident today.
Smashed his car up! The whole grill.
It's sad. We just got it repaired.

But I don't think he's bad.
I think that

everything happens for a reason.

Nigga's.

Eff boys. Eff Nigga's. ALL OF THEM. I'm hurt. Or maybe I'm just so sensitive. No one can know the truth. But in my heart, in my thoughts, I'll never forget what happened last night. I'll never like/love a boy again.