I'M UGLY.

I'm so cold. Inside and out. My feet feel numb. They didn't fall asleep, but they're so cold. Its more like when you run outside with socks on, in the snow, and walk around letting it steal your heat; Than you just sit on the porch, and your feet just feel like ice. My hands are cold too. And I'm hurt. Anyways, RANDOM: I don't know why I'm so insecure about myself. I really really, truly believe that I am ugly. And coming to think of it, why should that matter? And why do I care so much?! It really frustrates me. I'm so idiotic for thinking in such a way, and its funny I say that too, because still, I find myself stressing over it. But no, really, I AM SO UGLY! I feel like if no one can see that I'm pretty than they don't see me at all. When I'm in Cambodia, I'm considered the American Cambodian Girl. When I'm in America, I'm considered Oriental, Asian, Chinese, "Blackanese", Japanese, Korean. Never am I looked at as A PERSON. I hear people talking poop about different Asian people and they say how Chinese people are so ugly, and how the rest of us are too; That kills me. That's why I feel ugly. Because people talk poop like that, always saying Asians are ugly. So when people call me Chinese, I feel ugly, now knowing that from others' views; Chinese are ugly. Which in their case, they're referring to ALL Asians.

I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly.

Thats what I hear in my head.
Thats what I say when I see myself.

Why does beauty matter so much to me?
I don't understand.

Maybe it's because I value love so much.
Love is beauty.

And I guess I'm realizing that I will never receive love because I am NOT A BEAUTY.

So many men in my life; ACTUALLY SCRATCH THAT.
So many BOYS in my life always turn me down, telling me I'm ugly; That I look Chinese.

Well, love me for me than.
Not my face.